Wow, wow, wow!!!

I did it!!  I can't believe I did it.  Swampy was in labour for 9 hours, and had a beautiful baby girl.

I worked in a hospital over a period of about 6 years as an auxillary nurse, trying to decide if I wanted to train or not.  During my time working for the Nhs, I developed a few phobias...I dont like blood, even the sight of it makes me pale in the face and rushing for chocolate to build up my blood sugars and not faint!  I have a huge phobia of needles, even though my dad was an insulin dependant diabetic and i spent most of my childhood watching him stab himself in the stomach with a needle.  I also hate feet, cant stand touching them, seeing them, just the thought of them makes me gag.   So being a birthing partner was a huge deal for me...theres blood, needles and I spent a lot of the evening sitting at the bottom of the bed, with my face by Swampys feet, which aren't the prettiest patters in the world...I guess you gathered my career in the NHS wasn't a successful one)


I spent most of the night drinking take out coffee from the local Costa shop and the vending machines...I spent an huge portion of my time sitting on the loo, wishing I hadn't drunk quite so much coffee!

Mr Swampy spent most of the night asleep in the bath in the en-suite bathroom...Swampy spent 6 hours bouncing on a huge rubber ball...after an exhausting few hours, Swampy Jnr finally arrived into the world at 6.44 on Saturday morning.

It was a emotional journey, and I'm glad that I did it for Swampy...I am hugely proud of her...and you know what I'm a little bit proud of me too...

One day to go!

Well...its one day to go before Swampy Mark 2 is born.  I had a horrible vision last night that Swampy and I were walking into the maternity unit, and the nurses tried to get me on the bed and monitor me, no amount of arguing would convince them that I wasn't the one that was pregnant...I think I may go to Slimming World next week?!?

I've tried SW before, I lasted 4 days...I've also tried Slimfast (ugh), adios (awful mood swings, wanted to stab SpaceDad with his drumsticks).  I've also tried Xenical, I'm not good with poo, especially when it looks like orange squash!  I think the problem is...I like food and I lack willpower, as soon as my thighs start chafeing together, I think thats when I will start worrying, although saying that I no longer have bingo wings, I have jumbo jet wings!  Naked I look like a bin bag full of jelly, but in fairness who doesn't like jelly! :-)

Have a good day everyone, and thanks for your lovely comments!

Birthing Partner!!

I'm going to be a birthing partner on Friday for my friend Swampy (not her real name but given to her for reasons I'm sure you will find out).  I don't think I ever had any choice in the matter...I was told...Given the fact that I am extremely squeamish, I hope she appreciates that I am probably going to be in as much pain watching it as she will be giving birth.  On a serious note, I am excited about it, I have told her that I don't want to see the baby coming out, but I guess its a bit like a car crash...you don't want to look but you know you wont be able to help yourself.  She has been hinting that her lady garden is a bit of a mess....but that's taking our friendship a little too far.

My best friend Swampy is a one off...she's the girl that argues with you for 2 hours in a pub because she doesn't believe that 'nautical' is a word, shes the one who goes into Costa and asks if they have anything that tastes like a starbucks...she also goes into Ikea, buys £60 of stuff and pays for it with 5ps and 20ps.  Swampy lived at the local well for 5 weeks.  She lived in a makeshift tent and lived off the land while 'trying to find herself' - she left after discovering that the local 'wrong uns' used to wee in the well that she washed herself in everyday.  But she is also the most loyal friend I will ever have, never hesitates to help if she can, we have been on many adventures over the last 10 years, some of them have been crazy, some of them have been heartbreaking, through everything I know I have always got her, and she has always got me...and I have never met anyone who can make me laugh she does.

Everybody needs a friend like Swampy, she has given me more headaches in the last 10 years than anyone I know...but I wouldn't be without her.  I will be there holding her hand and wiping her brow on Friday.

If Carlsberg did birthing partners.....

I have a spot on my boob...whats that all about?

I woke up this morning with a spot on my boob...is there an age where you start getting boob spots, its not that big, but I may have to cover it up or people may think its a third nipple, either that or I may draw a little face on it and display it proudly...I think the cover up is maybe a better idea though?

I may try and go and get a fish pedicure today, I have been trying to get one for the last month but I hate fish...with a passion.  I have a lovely tropical tank, that I never go near...it has a rainbow shark in it that eats all the fish, I have numerous nightmares about the shark growing 10 times in normal size over night, and as I trail through the kitchen to fetch my weetabix, I see it exploding out of the tank and trying to eat me...maybe I wont go and get a fish pedicure, even prawns make my spine shudder.

Welcome to my world...

I’m at that age…you know the one, you feel far too old to be in a nightclub watching the drunken actions of people who probably hadn’t even been born by the time you left secondary school, wondering how on earth that young girl can go out in a skirt that short, while all this time, you can feel your mummy tummy rolling over the top of the 3 pairs of spanx that you wore on this rare night out…making it look like you are in ownership of not just one pair of saggy breasts…you actually have 2 sets although the new set is taking on the appearance of an enormous sausage.  At 34 years old…Im not sure how to act?  I spent 17 minutes the other day chasing a fly around my house, only to discover it was a blob of mascara on my eyeball.  I have also hoovered my entire house on two separate occasions whilst listening to my ipod at full blast…and then realised I hadn’t switched the hoover on…And my sons friends still wont speak to me after they caught me doing robotics and bodypopping in the kitchen to Salt N Pepa.  (I’m a cuddly size 16…it wasn’t pretty).   Is this normal behaviour for someone my age?